Heather had great support in Portland and so I did too. But while I felt like I didn’t have the option of completely falling apart, I could feel pieces of being breaking off in the brittleness of thinking of life without her.
We were at her favorite Whole Foods when she left for another aisle without telling me. When she returned I was crying.
“I…I couldn’t find you” I explained in response to her expression of complete consternation.
I imagined she was about to say “uh, I hate your parents,” but she took a longer look at my face. “Were you thinking that one day you’ll come here and you really won’t be able to find me?” I nodded, quietly sobbing now.
She thought for a moment. “When I’m dead you won’t be at the natural foods store buying organic produce. You’ll be back at Safeway picking up 1.99 hot dogs.” She took my hand and we finished shopping.